Either the hormone shots are kicking in, or my good attitude is slipping away, because this sucks! Tonight I had to give myself not one shot in the belly, but three. Needless to say, I needed a serious pep talk, then about 2 minutes after giving the shots it appears I am having a reaction to one of them...unless having a large red, swollen, itchy spot around the injection site is normal! Besides the fun of the fertility drugs, the first expansion has not been a walk in the park. I have been sooo tight, and sore since Monday. You would think it would start to get better, but nooooo, it still hurts. I will be amazed if I can make it through the next expansion without pain medicine and tears. Today was also my pre-op (more bloodwork and paperwork)for my port placement surgery on the 11th. I am so glad I am going back to Baptist Hospital East and leaving Suburban in the dust.
People keep telling me that I have had such a positive attitude through this whole thing, and I agree, but before it was easy, now it seems hard to keep a smile on my face. I was reading some blogs from some of my other friends and they are blogging about their children and great lives. I want to blog about my pregnancy (which should be what I am talking about right now), not cancer. I can only assume that the fertility drugs have set in, but when I finally finish that I move into chemo, and I'm sure that is not going to help my mood either. I need a break! I am looking forward to Gatlinburg in a few weeks, it will be nice to have a mini vacation before chemo and hang out with a bunch of our friends.
Blah, blah, blah, boo hoo, what a sad blog...sorry for bringing everyone down, but today I am having a pity party. I am so blessed with a great husband and family. Chad and I have the best friends in the world. I am alive and have a good prognosis. There are great things to look forward to, and next year this will have just been a mile stone in my life. I just want to feel like myself for a day. I want to go for a long bike ride and do the things I love. Soon enough I guess.
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Hey Alicia, I just found your blog and I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you as your fight cancer! Don't be hard on yourself for having bad days, you are going through a lot right now and it is only normal! I am praying for the Lord's strength as you fight, patience as you wait, and comfort and peace when the days just stink and you are at the end of yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever would like a visitor my little girl and I would love to stop by (once she is healthy). :)