July 29, 2009

Today was a good day. I worked a full day, came home, made dinner, did some laundry, and took a walk. It was a beautiful night to walk and I enjoyed getting out of the house (it's just nice to feel good enough to want to go on a walk).
The Assistant Editor for the Today's Woman magazine had asked all the women participating in the shoot tomorrow to gather some words that they feel represent how we feel at this moment in our lives and as survivors and e-mail them to her. I wanted to share mine with you:
BLESSED (my blessings have far out weighed the negative impact of my diagnosis)
EMPOWERED (cancer has given me the opportunity to prove to myself that I can accomplish things that I felt were unobtainable as an individual)
BEAUTIFUL (cancer has helped me embrace my inner beauty, and appreciate my outer beauty)
LOVED (people always wonder who would come to their funerals, I am blessed to know who my true friends and supporters are when I need them most!)
HOPEFUL, OPTIMISTIC (the ability to see past the present and know that God will provide)
CONNECTED (due to and since my diagnosis, I have made true friends for life! Relationships that carry true understanding and support)
STRONG (I AM STRONGER THAN THIS, AND I WILL BEAT IT!)

July 28, 2009

Yay me! I made it to work today and worked 6 1/2 hours. I did have to take a little nap half way through the day, but I'm still proud. I was concerned this morning when I was taking my shower and nearly passed out (thank God for our shower stall, if it were a shower curtain, I would have been on the floor), but after lunch I started to feel somewhat better. My 'better' now days would usually be a bad day in my pre-cancer life, but compared to how I felt since my last chemo, I think this is great! I'll take it. Mom and I go for our photo shoot on Thursday for "Today's Woman". I'm starting to get excited, I have no idea what to expect.
Well I still haven't really gotten my taste back yet, but things are going down alot easier than they were the past few days, which is a good sign. I was afraid that since this treatment was so much worse, that I wouldn't get to bounce back. I'm sure I'm not going to be going at my normal 110%, but as long as I'm not stuck in bed I'm happy. My husband and I have a beautiful home, but I'm getting tired of being stuck in it, LOL.
So yesterday I tried to make it to work without success, I spent most of the day in bed or in the recliner. My wonderful mother came by to take me to the grocery store (we really had NO food, no bread, no soup, nothing!) and I only had to sit down once. I feel so much more winded this time around,but even since this afternoon I can see some improvement in that too.
I've been throwing around the idea of getting a team together for one of the Breast Cancer Races this October. If you are interested let me know.
Well off to do some long over due laundry and dishes....it's a shame that they don't just do themselves when you don't feel good.

July 26, 2009

I have to say that this time really kicked my butt! I've pretty much been sleeping since I got my chemo. I can't fight this fatigue. I've been nauseous too, but I've not taken many Zofran. I'm trying to see how bad it gets without meds. I don't feel like I need to run for a trashcan, but I don't feel great...kinda queezie I guess you could say. My taste is messed up again, but I haven't had the sore throat like I did the first few rounds. This expansion has hurt worse than normal too. When we were in the office to see Dr. Thornton he has told us (Chad and I) that if he were to take an X-ray of my chest before the expanders and now that you could see that my ribs were being bended into my chest. Hmmmm, well thats kinda what it feels like. Theres not much room left in there. I have to be honest, yesterday got to me a bit. It was the first time in a long time I felt sorry for myself. As I was getting into the shower I threw myself a 30 second pity party and then reminded myself that this is temporary! I wiped the tears and moved on with my day. I think not feeling well brings it out of us. I don't really think it was about feeling sorry for myself, but more that I didn't feel good, and I'm ready to get back to a cancer free life. Either way, I still have two more rounds to go, and I know that I am strong enough to make it, geezzz, I made it this far didn't I?

July 24, 2009

I had chemo yesterday, and all things considered it went pretty well. I didn't have a reaction this time, and we were able to leave by 2pm. I also saw the plastic surgeon yesterday to get expanded. I got to see Dr. Thornton this time which really helped put me at ease after how the last appointment went with his assistant. Everything is looking good, and I hope to only have one more expansion. Today my chest hurts, but I expected that, and it's not unbearable. Yesterday during chemo I fell asleep, and the when we came home I took another nap! The fatigue is really getting to me. Today I have the luxury of working from home, which is a good thing, because I don't think I would have been able to make it very long at work today. After hours of typing I'm ready to go take my afternoon nap. Chad and I have plans to go out to dinner tonight. Unfortunately my taste has already changed this round so chances of me enjoying my dinner are slim, oh well, small price to pay. I am officially on the downward count. Four down two to go!! I was thinking the other day how thankful I am that I am going through treatment in summertime rather that winter. I already get the winter blues as it is, and the nice weather of summer really helps keep my spirits lifted.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention (imagine that, haha), while I was at chemo a woman from the ACS come to speak to me about their different resources and asked if I would be interested in speaking and volunteering for the Making Strides against breast cancer walk in October. Of course I said yes! While I was telling my mother about the news she told me that another group asked if we would be interested in interviewing with Rachel Platt, the new anchor, and doing another piece in some publication/magazine. God works in mysterious ways. I am thankful for these opportunities to share my mothers and my story as well spreading awareness for important issues that young cancer patients face.

July 21, 2009

Agh, Marla you were right...it has been a while since I've written. It doesn't seem like it's been that long. I'm having a conflict of interest. I want to journal daily, but I also like to stay busy (which also helps keep my mind off the fact that I don't feel good). I guess I'll compromise and be happy with the fact I blog every few days. Anyways, I been doing alright. I've still have some wicked bad back pain and the fatigue hasn't gotten much better. By mid day I am beat. So now I'm just trying to get myself geared up for chemo on Thursday. I'm getting expanded that morning rather than the day before, and I must admit that I'm looking forward to that. I didn't get to be expanded last time due to the infection. Visible changes make me feel like were making progress, I know, it's a mental thing. Speaking of the infection, I would like to make a note that it did not "magically" resolve itself overnight like the nurse suggested. I am still waiting for the scab to fall off. Although chemo hasn't been a bed of roses, I must admit it has gone better than I'd expected. I had prepared myself for the worse, so anything better than that seems like it can't be that bad. Ugh, the idea of having two and a half more month of this wears me out. I may not be singing this song by then, but then again, expect the worse, hope for the best. Oh, speaking of roses! My wonderful husband brought home roses for me this morning. He really has been so supportive and loving since, well, since always...I guess that's why I married him. :-)

July 16, 2009

Well, here it is again, another late night and I'm not in bed yet. I have never been a night owl, until I started chemo. I still am not sleeping well at night, and refuse to take a sleeping pill all the time. I like to save those for when I am on the steroids, which makes for an even less pleasant nights sleep.
I have seemed to over estimate my immunity to chemo. This week has kicked my butt! I have been doing more manual work at work and I am paying for it. For the past week I have been working up patients which requires being on your feet all day, bending over alot, as well as raising your arms over your head countless times. The past two days my back has hurt so bad! If it weren't for those handy-dandy heat wraps I think I would have been crying in an emergency room bed begging for muscle relaxers and pain medicine. I have complained about this back pain before in my post, but I think the fact that I am so fatigued from work makes it so much worse. On top of the fatigue my mouth has been more sore than usual at this point in a cycle and I have been nauseous. I wake up energized and ready for the day and by lunch time I can barely keep my eyes open. I think this is where my body is telling me to SLOW DOWN AND REST, but I refuse and try to keep up with my pre-chemo routine, which includes running at 110% from dawn til dusk. One week from today I will get treatment number four, one treatment closer to the end!
I was contacted today by a local publication "Today's Woman" asking my mother and I to pose as models for a photo shoot they will be publishing in an October issue. I must say I am flattered. I hope this will provide an opportunity to increase awareness for my platforms.
Everyday I am touched to see so many people showing support for me with words of encouragement or by wearing their pink ribbon pins. Thank you so much to everyone, it does not go unnoticed.

July 13, 2009

Just livin' the dream...not much to report. I've been feeling good for the past several days. I was even thinking about going to spin class this Thursday, horray! No, I have not forgot about the wig pictures, I will post them, just give me time. I'm really slow when it comes to the computer, thanks for hanging in there with me. Speaking of pictures, I want to get a picture of Chad and my bald heads to hang next to the picture of my chest from the "Boobie Bon Voyage" party. Oh, I don't know if I mentioned my labs from last week...of course they were low. My granulcytes were half of what they should be. Hey, I haven't been getting sick, so I'm not complaining. Anyways, using my time to enjoy myself, the weather has been great.

July 9, 2009

I can't believe that it has been 3 months since my surgery (4/7/09). It feels like this has been going on for much longer. The wound from the infected stitch is healing, its still open, but it looks much better. I figured it would take longer being that I'm in chemo and my counts go up and down. Speaking of counts, I go tomorrow to get my blood counts checked, I'll let you know how they are. As far as my symptoms go, I can't say this time was worse (it definitely wasn't better), it was just different. My nausea kicked in Friday morning and the medicine I had to use (because insurance won't cover my Zofran for another week) made me tired, I think it was called Anzamet. Sunday and Monday were my worst days,though I still worked on Monday for a half a day. I experienced much worse body aches and pain this time. I expected to feel bad, but I didn't expect to hurt so bad. My head, neck, and trunk hurt to touch or move them, I had a headache, more nausea than before and I was fatigued. I use the word fatigued because it is not the same thing as tired. No, tired means you sleep.....fatigue means your body is exhausted but you can't sleep, big difference. And since I'm stubborn and don't like to take more medicine than necessary, I refused to take Ambien, thinking surely I'll fall asleep soon. I still haven't been sleeping great since my last treatment. One of the things that was better this time around was my sore throat and taste buds. Don't get me wrong, I did lose my taste, and of course my throat hurt, but not like before. I used Pepcid AC religiously twice a day with my Zegerid (a PPI) and I think it paid off. Either way, I'm gonna try it again next time to be safe.
I'm not sure if I mentioned that while my mother and I were at the "Look Good, Feel Better" class last week they asked if she and I would be interested in sharing our story (being so rare that we were diagnosed within a year of each other with the same cancer, so far apart in age). Well, I talked to a women from the ACS today and they interviewed my mother and I over the phone, and are interested in doing a piece in the media. I'm not big on being in the spot light,but I feel like this is an opportunity to advocate for young women diagnosed with cancer (who have not had a chance to start a family yet) and speak out on fertility issues and financial resources. To be able to give something so resourceful from something that is viewed to be so destructive seems like I'm cheating the system. I feel more powerful since my diagnosis, stronger and more at peace. Not necessarily changed, but more in control of my life, able to see more in front of my feet than before (and that wasn't a reference to my surgery, hahahaha). I feel like I should say thank you, not that I would ever wish cancer on anyone else or even chose my diagnosis if I were given the option, for the path this journey has lead me on.
I've been doing something pretty fun this week....planning an amazing trip to Europe! Chad insisted that he was going to take me on a post-cancer vacation, so I insisted that we go to Europe (Chad prefers Caribbean vacations, I prefer European vacations, he always wins) since this was probably going to be my only chance to do my dream vacation. Believe it or not, its a really hard decision on where to go. I think I've chosen Italy over Ireland and Scotland. He was right though (hear that babe, you were right!), it is nice having something to look forward to.
Well, I'm off to bed, hopefully gonna get some sleep tonight.

July 4, 2009

YEA!!!!!!! I'm half way done with chemo!!!!! Thursday was my third chemo treatment. I decided to give Chad a break this time. He's been so supportive and has gone to the other treatments and appointments even though he works nights and is usually tired as a dog. So this time I asked my friend Cristy to go with me so he could sleep. It was really nice having her there, thanks Cristy! Not only did we talk and have a good time, she didn't fall asleep, LOL!
So I guess everyone wants to know if I had another reaction...not really. I started to, but they caught it in time and were able to advert it (only my face got red and started to tingle).
My chemo symptoms hit a little quicker this time around, when I got up Friday morning I was already nauseous (I was already off Friday due to the Fourth of July holiday) so I laid in bed til about 10am. I tried to run some errands and then spent some time with my sister and the kids. Even when you don't feel good, family always makes you smile!
So, today is July 4th. Thankfully my neighbors are having a little get together in the court so I don't have to go anywhere today and can come in to relax whenever I need. I plan on taking it easy today. Tomorrow I am planning on going to Cincinnati to visit Chad's aunt and uncle who are having a Fourth of July/birthday party. I hope I feel good for the trip, there is nothing worse than being away from home and feeling sick.
Sorry this was such a lame blog, I'm a little tired and nauseous, I think it is nap time.
(Oh, and I haven't forgot about the wig pictures, maybe I'll try to get those together this afernoon)

Did I not just say in my last blog "If I've learned anything through this process, it not to get your hopes up...everything changes." Well, lesson learned. Yesterday (Wednesday) I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon to be expanded. That morning when I got up I had an infection in my incision on my left breast. A couple of months ago an internal suture did not dissolve and erupted through the skin, leaving an open wound. I told Dr. Thornton's nurse about this and she said that "Oh, normally we would pull them out, but because it's in your incision I'm gonna leave it alone". Not the right answer. I have been back several times since then for expansions and she examines my chest every time. Therefore I know she knows it was not going away. Anyways, back to yesterday. When I woke up the open wound around the stitch was red and swollen, I could tell that the incision next to it was stretching from pressure built up from the pus. There was no head on it so I got in the shower. When I turned off the water and went to dry off I noticed that it looked like there was a scab covering it, I went to feel it to see if it was hard of soft and it burst under my finger. It drained quite a bit of pus, I turned the water back on and cleaned it off well, then covered it up. Good thing I already have an appointment with the surgeon today. When I saw the nurse I told her what had happened, and she told me that it was no big deal, if the pus came out already it should be healed by tomorrow. I told her I didn't feel comfortable expanding today with the infection and would like to hold off. She had the audacity to make me feel like I was a overreacting for not wanting to be expanded. "Well, we can fill you if you'd like, BUT IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE we can hold off. Well good for you bitch, your not the one who is at risk of loosing a breast. In case you forgot, I have chemo tomorrow-you know those drugs that lower your immune system and drop your WBC. Oh, and by the way, I have no tissue covering these expanders, so if the infection doesn't magically go away over night and spreads, they may have to take the expander out. Sorry, but I'm not so cool with that! I've got plenty of surgeries to deal with assuming thing go as planned. Maybe it's just me, but when I do the math, it just doesn't add up. Open wound around a stitch for two months, infection, cover with band-aid and magically the next day infection is gone, stitch dissolves itself and the hole closes! WTF!!! Okay, I realize I'm JUST a paramedic, but it would make since to me to eliminate some of the factors here, for starters, how about you finally take that nasty suture out that has been soaked in pus that you should have taken out two months ago. Anyways, she tells me to get dressed and I can reschedule before my next chemo treatment (3 weeks away). I get dresses, even though I am PISSED and got NOTHING resolved and was walking out the door when Dr. Digenis (Dr. Thornton's partner) came in and introduced himself. He asked if he could see the wound, so I showed it to him and he said it looked like it needed to be addressed further (Duh, I knew that!!! Next time relay that to your nurse!) He asked me to lay down and he dug around to pull out the suture that was still there. He was concerned that with out opening the hole a little bigger it would not be able to continue to drain properly, so the took some scissors and opened the hole wider. He also packed it with iodoform gauze, to help it wick the drainage. He told me I could pull the wick that night, but to keep it clean and follow up with my oncologist tomorrow. He was so nice. Thank God for that. This wasn't the first time I've had a problem with that nurse, from now on, I'm only going to see the doctor! Anyways that night I pulled the wick and it was looking better, now we just have to keep it clean and wait for it to close.
Tomorrows chemo.