July 9, 2009

I can't believe that it has been 3 months since my surgery (4/7/09). It feels like this has been going on for much longer. The wound from the infected stitch is healing, its still open, but it looks much better. I figured it would take longer being that I'm in chemo and my counts go up and down. Speaking of counts, I go tomorrow to get my blood counts checked, I'll let you know how they are. As far as my symptoms go, I can't say this time was worse (it definitely wasn't better), it was just different. My nausea kicked in Friday morning and the medicine I had to use (because insurance won't cover my Zofran for another week) made me tired, I think it was called Anzamet. Sunday and Monday were my worst days,though I still worked on Monday for a half a day. I experienced much worse body aches and pain this time. I expected to feel bad, but I didn't expect to hurt so bad. My head, neck, and trunk hurt to touch or move them, I had a headache, more nausea than before and I was fatigued. I use the word fatigued because it is not the same thing as tired. No, tired means you sleep.....fatigue means your body is exhausted but you can't sleep, big difference. And since I'm stubborn and don't like to take more medicine than necessary, I refused to take Ambien, thinking surely I'll fall asleep soon. I still haven't been sleeping great since my last treatment. One of the things that was better this time around was my sore throat and taste buds. Don't get me wrong, I did lose my taste, and of course my throat hurt, but not like before. I used Pepcid AC religiously twice a day with my Zegerid (a PPI) and I think it paid off. Either way, I'm gonna try it again next time to be safe.
I'm not sure if I mentioned that while my mother and I were at the "Look Good, Feel Better" class last week they asked if she and I would be interested in sharing our story (being so rare that we were diagnosed within a year of each other with the same cancer, so far apart in age). Well, I talked to a women from the ACS today and they interviewed my mother and I over the phone, and are interested in doing a piece in the media. I'm not big on being in the spot light,but I feel like this is an opportunity to advocate for young women diagnosed with cancer (who have not had a chance to start a family yet) and speak out on fertility issues and financial resources. To be able to give something so resourceful from something that is viewed to be so destructive seems like I'm cheating the system. I feel more powerful since my diagnosis, stronger and more at peace. Not necessarily changed, but more in control of my life, able to see more in front of my feet than before (and that wasn't a reference to my surgery, hahahaha). I feel like I should say thank you, not that I would ever wish cancer on anyone else or even chose my diagnosis if I were given the option, for the path this journey has lead me on.
I've been doing something pretty fun this week....planning an amazing trip to Europe! Chad insisted that he was going to take me on a post-cancer vacation, so I insisted that we go to Europe (Chad prefers Caribbean vacations, I prefer European vacations, he always wins) since this was probably going to be my only chance to do my dream vacation. Believe it or not, its a really hard decision on where to go. I think I've chosen Italy over Ireland and Scotland. He was right though (hear that babe, you were right!), it is nice having something to look forward to.
Well, I'm off to bed, hopefully gonna get some sleep tonight.