April 29, 2009

Either the hormone shots are kicking in, or my good attitude is slipping away, because this sucks! Tonight I had to give myself not one shot in the belly, but three. Needless to say, I needed a serious pep talk, then about 2 minutes after giving the shots it appears I am having a reaction to one of them...unless having a large red, swollen, itchy spot around the injection site is normal! Besides the fun of the fertility drugs, the first expansion has not been a walk in the park. I have been sooo tight, and sore since Monday. You would think it would start to get better, but nooooo, it still hurts. I will be amazed if I can make it through the next expansion without pain medicine and tears. Today was also my pre-op (more bloodwork and paperwork)for my port placement surgery on the 11th. I am so glad I am going back to Baptist Hospital East and leaving Suburban in the dust.
People keep telling me that I have had such a positive attitude through this whole thing, and I agree, but before it was easy, now it seems hard to keep a smile on my face. I was reading some blogs from some of my other friends and they are blogging about their children and great lives. I want to blog about my pregnancy (which should be what I am talking about right now), not cancer. I can only assume that the fertility drugs have set in, but when I finally finish that I move into chemo, and I'm sure that is not going to help my mood either. I need a break! I am looking forward to Gatlinburg in a few weeks, it will be nice to have a mini vacation before chemo and hang out with a bunch of our friends.
Blah, blah, blah, boo hoo, what a sad blog...sorry for bringing everyone down, but today I am having a pity party. I am so blessed with a great husband and family. Chad and I have the best friends in the world. I am alive and have a good prognosis. There are great things to look forward to, and next year this will have just been a mile stone in my life. I just want to feel like myself for a day. I want to go for a long bike ride and do the things I love. Soon enough I guess.

April 27, 2009

Today was the big day....I got my first expansion. The process went really well and there wasn't much pain. After the doctor injected the fluid, he aspirated around the expanders and pulled off 90cc of fluid/swelling left from having the drains removed last week. So basically I don't look any bigger than when I did this A.M., but my muscles are being stretched. Afterwards Chad and I went out to lunch and when I got home I was pretty tired so I laid down to take a nap. Oh that's when it kicked in! When I laid down it felt like I had sandbags on my chest, it was tight and really painful. I am starting to feel a little bit better now that I'm up and about. I took a walk and worked on my stretches, believe it or not, they really help. Tonight was my fourth hormone shot. I'm starting to get used to them, I don't have to stand there forever psyching me into sticking myself. As far as Chad and I can tell, I haven't been an emotional roller coaster. Tomorrow we go back to the fertility center to see how my 'follicles' are doing. As of the last visit they are saying we are scheduled to harvest the eggs the first week in May. Hopefully I'll have a more definite date tomorrow.

April 25, 2009

Yesterday was a great day, the weather as beautiful (as I mentioned before, it makes a huge difference in my mood) and I got to go outside and walk. I worked on my stretches and took it easy. We also went over to friends house for dinner, a cookout, which was delicious. I can tell a huge difference this morning in my discomfort and tightness having taken it easy yesterday. So, I plan to do the same today. I've already taken my walk for the day, and started my stretches, and I'm hoping my father will stop by and hang out on the porch with me. Louisville weather is so unpredictable, so I want to take advantage of it when I can.
I am trying to get myself mentally prepared for Monday, that's when I get my first expansion. I'm not sure why, but this really freaks me out (maybe because it is the unknown, we didn't go through this with Mom). I am working so hard to take care of myself and I'm starting to feel good, and I'm afraid that this is going to set me back and I'm going to be in pain again. Then again, it could be no big deal and I'll feel fine afterwards.
Oh yeah, last night was my first injection for the fertility process. I gave myself the shot, much to Chad's dismay (my best friend was there to give me encouragement...or tell me I was a weenie) and it went pretty well. After about two minutes of talking me into stabbing myself I did it, the needle didn't really hurt at all, but the medicine really smarted. One down, how many more to go? Now we're just waiting for me to fall apart emotionally (they say it is a side effect), so far so good, ha, ha, I bet that depends on who you ask.
Anyways, I'm looking forward to another good day. Maybe I'll try working again next week, it's a shame that requires driving :(

April 23, 2009

Wow, I think I got ahead of myself this week. Its hard to believe it's only been 2 and a half weeks since surgery. I drove myself to a follow up appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday. Yep, you heard me, I drove myself. Then on Wednesday I drove myself to work, that day didn't go so well. Besides the fact that I was exhausted and couldn't get myself out of bed, driving really hurt my chest and arms. I only worked 1 hour and 45 minutes before I was in too much pain and realized that I am pushing myself too fast. So, okay, I admit it, I need to slow down.
Today I saw my oncologist (I made Chad drive) and got some good news. Since the cancer was not in my lymph nodes my treatment regimen has changed. Instead of getting three types of chemo, I only have to get two types, Cytoxan and Taxotere. Plus I will only be getting 6 rounds every three weeks, rather than 7 rounds. However, I will have to get a port, which I expected this. We got to check out the treatment rooms and have a tour of the office. My first chemo treatment is scheduled for May 21st, ready or not!
After my doctors appointment, Chad and I ran some errands. Believe it or not Chad went grocery shopping (if you know Chad, you know this is an act of God!)!!!! I am looking forward to taking it easy tomorrow, working on my stretches and doing some paperwork, oh yeah, and starting my hormone injections! We'll see how that goes, I'll keep you updated.

My New Hair-Do

April 20, 2009

Well, it's been a good weekend. I had the opportunity to get out of the house each day for a few hours. Friday a good friend of mine came over and hung out. We went for a walk and watched movies, much needed girl time. On Saturday my nephews, sister, brother-in-law, and dad went to Bowman Field Airport to check out some of the planes in the 'Thunder Over Louisville' Air Show. It was a nice day, and I love spending time with my family. Then, on Sunday hung out a my cousins for a baby shower.

So....today I had my appointment with the plastic surgeon, I was accompanied by Chad and my sister, Tricia. YEAH!!! I got my drains out. I can't explain the feeling of having them pulled out, it was very weird, but not really painful. Now, I feel free! I feel a hundred times better, don't get me wrong, I still have discomfort in my chest and armpits, but not having those stupid drains makes such a difference. I am scheduled to be expanded next Monday (I must admit that I am glad to wait, I wanted to have a break from the pain). He said I could do whatever I felt up to, with moderation. I'm hoping to go back to work at some point this week, I'm really looking forward to a routine again.

After the appointment Tricia and I want to one of the Cancer Centers to check out the wigs. We found a wig that looks similar to my current hair-do, unfortunately, it needs a little TLC, but it was free! And, if I can figure it out, I have a photo of my haircut (my friend came over this morn to glam me up for the day).

April 16, 2009

Another good day!!! I Hope I'm on the up swing for a little while. I got to get out of the house for a few hours today. A friend of mine took me to Target, my office and to lunch. It was so good to get out of the house, however, I was beat afterwards. I'm still off my pain meds, and feeling pretty good. There's still some discomfort in my chest, and the drains are gonna make me mental, but not too bad. My next outing will hopefully be going to the Cancer Center to pick out a free wig (A sick and twisted benefit of having cancer, kinda like the free massages we get. Its a depressing consolation prize.).
I feel like Chad and I can't keep thanking everyone enough for the support we have been getting, both financially and emotionally (and the yummy food!).
Oh, by the way, Chad says Hello!

April15, 2009

Okay, I feel like I earned the right to say 'This SUCKS!!!' Yesterday I decided to quit my pain meds (the bowel problems outranked the pain), not the most fun I ever had! I was nauseous all day long, had a headache, and couldn't quit crying. Not to mention the PAIN! I feel like I've done a really good job of keeping a good attitude about this whole diagnosis, but I feel like I'm being pecked to death by the little things that add up. My super cool nephews and sister came over yesterday morning to hang out and eat lunch, and I feel like I didn't even get to enjoy them. They ended up heading out after lunch so I could cry myself to sleep. (please don't think I am writing this for sympathy, just trying to be real...that's the point of a journal)
However, today was much better (I'm just a roller coaster of emotional fun! HA, HA!) Chad and I went out to lunch-Mexican, his favorite. I was in alot of pain, but it was sooooo nice to get out of the house. Then we headed down to UofL to pick up some meds for the IVF. Yeah, they gave us a trash bag full of meds THAT HAVE TO BE GIVEN BY INJECTION! A garbage bag full! I told Chad 'I am not looking forward to this', so how does any loving husband respond, "I am! I'm gonna stick it to you!' Watch out, man on the loose with needles. This could prove to be interesting halfway through when I'm super hormonal and annoying the crap out of Chad, and he gets to give me a shot.
Here's looking forward to what emotions tomorrow will bring.
My cousin recommended that I post a picture of my new hair do, so as soon as I can get someone to fix it for me (I'm lucky I can wash it myself) I'll post a pic. Thanks for all the comments. I really look forward to hearing from everyone!

April 13, 2009

Wow, time flies when your having fun, huh? I'm so sorry I haven't done a better job of keeping up this blog. I feel like all I do is move form the chair in the living room to my bed, than back to the chair. I'm still really uncomfortable. It's my chest, I think its from the expanders, because it just feels sooooo tight and sore. Chad And I have decided to work on cutting my pain pills back today (which is why I am writing you now and not later).
We received the final pathology on my lymphnodes and they were all clear!!!!! It is nice knowing that I won't have to do radiation. They said my final staging is Stage 2b. Thanks for all your prayers, I know they were heard! We also really appreciate all the visitors, I underestimated how bored I would be. We did get out of the house yesterday for Easter. We spent about 2 hours at my parents for lunch and about 2 hours at Chad's aunts for dinner. It was so nice to get out of the house. We hope everyone had a great Easter!
Oh, I cut my hair....one of the girls from the Young Survivors group suggested that women with long hair transition to short hair before they lose it. I have to say I really like it. Chad even likes it, which is saying alot, since he never wanted me to cut my hair short.

April 8, 2009

I'm alive! I'll make this entry short and sweet beause I'm in alot of pain. Surgery was longer than expected. We initally were told it would take 3 hours, but I was in surgery for 5 and a half hours. I don't think I was prepared for the pain I am having. I've been up a few times to walk, and I'm not nauseous anymore. I had a rough night last night, getting up and down by myself, due to not getting any help from the nursing staff. I felt like they just put me in a room and left me there. They even forgot to give me my medication through the night. Pretty sad. I woke up the next morning in extreme pain, a 25 on a 10 scale, due to the lack of medication and having to pull myself out of bed, unplug the cord from the wall outlet to the IV pole, and take off the leg circulation machine just to go pee 5 times through the night. Today has been better. The nursing staff through the daytime has been great. They caught my pain medication up to a point where it is now tolerable. I complained to the nursing manager about the night nursing staff, and she said that it is unacceptable and she assigned me another nurse. The hospital actually sent me flowers to try and make me feel better. That was very nice of them, but it doesn't take the pain away. I am supposed to go home tomorrow and I will try and update again then. I am still waiting for my pathology results to come back. I should hear something by no later than Friday and as soon as tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for all of your prayers.

April 6, 2009

Less than 12 hours til surgery. Its the first big step (besides getting diagnosed) of a long journey. Chad and I went to dinner tonight, and on the way home we saw a rainbow. I'm not a superstitious person, but after getting diagnosed on Friday the 13th, I'm gonna take the rainbow as a sign of good luck! I had a really good day today. I'm ready to get started, I just want the cancer out!!! It has definitely been growing since I found it two months ago. Just this week I was in the bathroom and looked in the mirror and noticed that you can see the lump under my skin.
We went to the geneticist today....my test were negative?! The counselor told us that she doesn't agree. That particular gene mutation may be normal, but that there are lots more out there that we haven't detected yet. She said that as far as their concerned, they are going to give us recommendations and treatment as if it were positive. She says that our family history disagrees with the test, and that they believe that there is a genetic link.
Well, I guess I'm gonna try to go to bed. I had a crazy dream last night that my cancer had metastasized to my knee. Don't ask me what that means...and no, I wasn't on any drugs. I plan on having a restless night, but I'm hoping for the best.
I plan on having Chad give you guys an update tomorrow evening when I get in a room. So until then, wish me luck!!!! I'm not scared, I feel strong and ready. Thanks for all the prayers!

April 5, 2009

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!! Chad and I are absolutely amazed at the response to our 'Boobie BonVoyage'. Thanks to every one's support and contributions we raised approximately $3600.00....no, that wasn't a typo! More than 200 people came and partied with us! Thank you to everyone for being so generous at such a hard time in our economy, we are so appreciative! Thank you to our friends that helped plan and execute this amazing night, we love you so much! Also thank you to everyone who has sent encouraging cards and donations, they really help lift up Chad and I.
So, I know I haven't written in a few days. I have literally been running from the crack of dawn til the wee hours at night. I'm trying to cram as much fun stuff in as possible before life takes a break for a while. There are benefits to this as well, I don't give myself time to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Things have been going really well. Tomorrow we meet with the genetic counselor. We will find out if I am positive for the BRCA1, BRCA2 gene mutation, which means the cancer is hereditary. I'm really anxious to find out, it will have a huge effect on my and my families future. I hope everything comes back negative.
I've been sleeping pretty well the past week, but I have a feeling that the good times are over. My nerves are starting to kick in, there is alot to think about going into Tuesday's surgery. I started packing my hospital bag today. Basically the only things in there are new button down pajamas (I won't be able to pull anything over my head for a while. No lifting my arms above my head), underclothes and a toothbrush. Oh, and my slippers!
I bought my first scarf last week. I haven't decided if I am going to go the wig route. I'm looking forward to the low maintenance look. Hey, if bald works for Chad, I'm sure I can pull it off! We'll be such a cute pair.
It's almost midnight, so I guess it is T-minus ONE day til my surgery. We plan on bringing our computer up to the hospital so we can keep everyone up dated. If I can't blog, Chad will step in. Which leads me to my last point... Chad, Thank you for standing by my side from the very beginning! I could not be as strong as I am without you. For better or worse, in sickness or health...you are my rock!!! I LOVE YOU