June 30, 2009

Well, I have to say that mentally I am ready for chemo this week. I'm ready to get this show on the road. After this treatment I will be half way through. However, I think my body is protesting (which I think is weird, since it didn't share that sentiment with my psyche). I've been really tired and I have had the worst back pain today right below my shoulder blades. I've had this pain before, but not this bad. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the expansion process, but what do you do? I wanna have boobs, so I guess you suck it up. The concerning pain is in my trunk. Under my right breast down to where my rib cage ends is sooooo terribly tender I can't stand it. Even to stretch hurts (pressing the tissue against my ribs), this too I think may be attributed to the expansion process, but I will ask tomorrow. Yep, getting pumped up tomorrow. This hasn't really been a issue in the past, so I don't expect to have any pain or problems (usually just a little muscle tightness). We'll see how things look (buy things I mean breast), but I should only have one more expansion after tomorrow. If I've learned anything through this process, it's not to get your hopes up...everything is subject to change.
Yesterday was a great day! Mom and I had the "Look Good, Feel Better" class. It was nice. There was only one other lady there with us (she had small cell lung cancer). The whole time was spent on doing our make-up. We each received a make-up bag FULL of make-up. Brands like Chanel, Este Lauder, Aveda, Bobby Brown, Clinque, Mac and more. They value each bag over $300 dollars. I'm pretty sure I've never spent that amount of money on make-up in my whole life, hahaha. Anyways, after the class we did a little bit of shopping, and had lunch. I love my mother, and I'm so glad that we are so close and can enjoy spending time together.
It just occurred to me that today was my Monday, and tomorrow will be my Friday, not too bad, huh?
Now if I can just remember some quarters for the meters tomorrow, gets me every time! :-)

June 28, 2009

I've had a great weekend. Friday after work I went wig shopping. It really was fun trying all of them on, seeing what I looked like with all the different hair do's. I decided on on a longer style with some loose curls and swooped bangs. I like it alot, it makes me feel good about myself, and the warm reddish brown gives my face some much needed color. I was thinking about taking some photos of my different wigs and posting them on the blog. That way you guys can check them out and vote for your favorite ones. Speaking of hair, as you know I shaved my head about a month ago. I have a some very short stubble left that I thought was weird, I would have thought that it would fall out too. I figured it had something to do with it being so short (who knows, my theories are usually wrong anyways). At any rate, the stubble is no longer going to be a problem. Last night while I was showering, I rinsed out my rag after washing my head (you can do that when you don't have long hair, saves time AND money on shampoo, haha) and it was covered with stubble. I still have some stubble, but now its patchy, PLUS I still have that stupid rash on my head and neck! I am surprised how long the whole hair loss process has taken. I still haven't lost my eyebrows or eyelashes yet. They seem to be falling out, just very slowly. Even still, being bald has been soooooo easy. Showering is faster, getting ready is faster, it's cooler on these HOT summer days, plus you can wear a wig to fit whatever mood your in.
Yesterday I went to Huber's Winery. I love that place, if you can't tell by how often I go. We picked some berries (I love fresh produce), and ate lunch while a band played. We sat there drinking our sangria's enjoying the day. I feel so blessed to have great friends.
I'm looking forward to next week too, even though it's my chemo week. I'll only have a two day work week. I have Monday off work so Mom and I can go to a "Look Good, Feel Better" class. They give us tips on how to hide the side effects of chemo and give us makeovers to help us feel better about ourselves during our treatments. Mom gets to go too because she just finished her chemo treatments in January and is still considered "in treatment" (even though she is now in remission, a survivor!). I think it's going to be fun, were going to go to lunch first and make it a girls day, plus it's Margarita Monday. Work Tuesday and Wednesday (doctor's appointment Wednesday with the plastic surgeon for an expansion) off Thursday for chemo, then off Friday for the fourth of July weekend. Plus I have two long weekends to flank the short work week, pretty sweet!
Chads off tonight so I'm gonna go spend some time with him

June 24, 2009

It was nice to sleep in this morning. Today was the Young Survivors lunch so I didn't go into work until after lunch, leaving time to hang out in bed a few extra hours. Lunch was great, we ate at Ramsi's Cafe on the World. It was the first time I had been to that restaurant, and the food was very yummy (I got the fish tacos). I really enjoy seeing all the girls. We all seem to hit it off every time we get together, and I enjoy being able to socialize with women that are going through the same things that I am. I hope that this group will provide more opportunities for me to be an advocate for young women diagnosed with breast cancer, or any cancer for that matter. I feel like I am called to bring attention to fertility issues that exist for young women after diagnosis, whether it be financial assistance, or resources, mainly due to the fact that after my diagnosis I felt helpless with no direction or support in this department. Just the other day it occurred to me how lucky I was that I was married and had a partner to help me make decisions regarding my fertility. We were advised to have my eggs fertilized before freezing them. Freezing eggs is still experimental and less successful, and most places will not freeze eggs. Without a husband or partner I would have been unable to store any embryos. I know that there are other alternatives, such as adoption, surrogacy, or donation but some women, like myself want to experience pregnancy and child birth. I feel like not having the option robs me of the opportunity, and I refuse to let cancer do that. I am going to take from cancer, cancer is not going to take away from me (and I have already taken so much...friends, lessons, blessings, strength). I'm open to suggestions on how to expand and improve my mission. This is just the beginning, I hope to touch countless womens lives, and give them HOPE and options.
I had a good day today, and I know I'm blessed that I can say that! Thank you Lord!

June 23, 2009

Well, in this case no news is good news (not always the case). I've been feeling great, back to myself after my last chemo. However I've been preoccupied the past few days....Twilight! I'm addicted, thanks girls (you know who you are) for dragging me kicking and screaming into the 'club'. Basically I've not taken my nose out the books for the past few days. Last night I didn't go to bed til 1:30am because I couldn't put the book down. Seriously though, I am really impressed at how well chemo has been going. I really feel blessed that I've been able to maintain my normal life and continue to work. Tomorrow is my "Young Survivors" lunch, I'm really looking forward to it. I had a really good time last time. It's hard to go for the first time to anything like this because you don't know what to expect or if you'll hit it off with anyone there, but I was really impressed. I definitely have made some friends, true life long friends.
I received a pleasant surprise today, were going on a family vacation, Yeeeaaaa! In August my parents and sisters family are going to Tennessee to relax and spend some time together, it's going to be alot of fun. I can't remember the last time we took a family vacation, I know I was young. We used to go somewhere every year, we were a lucky family.
I plan on going to spin class again this week, oh the beloved bike! I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know there is hope of me riding outside again (I was worried that after surgery I would be limited, due to the risk of lymphedema,and limited strength and range of motion, but my strength is returning, and no signs of edema). My favorite triathlon is in August, so my plan is to race next year. It will kinda be my kick off, back into my athletic hobbies (I should be done with all my surgeries by then).
Well good night, after a late night last night (he, he) and a busy week at work so far this week (covering for a coworker from 8-5 past two days), I'm off to bed. Yawn.....

June 18, 2009

What an interesting day. I had my massage this morning, ohhhh it was nice. I miss being able to lay on my stomach (can't do that due to the expanders) but it still felt great! When I was leaving the hospital it started to storm. That storm was ridiculous! The skies turned black, it was pouring down so hard there was flooding, and the lightning was out of control. One of our neighbors' house (two houses down) was struck by lighting and caught fire. Today after work I finally got to go see one of the women from the retreat who had surgery. She has had a very rough week, she's already had three surgeries since Monday and has to go back into surgery tomorrow. Please keep her in your prayers. There are too many young women diagnosed with cancer and faced with life changing decisions. I feel blessed that there are groups that help us connect and support each other.
The chemo symptoms are starting to improve, or should I say change, so I'm happy about that. I've resigned to the fact that I'm gonna have bowel problems til chemo is over. Basically besides the heartburn, my mouth and taste (my tastebuds are fried!), everything is going well. Tomorrow I have my blood counts drawn, so we'll see how low those are. I've not gotten sick so that's a good sign. The nurses said last time that even if there low, if your body can rebound and you don't get sick it's not that big of a problem. When I had my labs drawn before chemo last week they said they had really improved, Yeah me!
Did I mention that my husband has been a trooper through all of this? Props to my husband and family for sticking by my side! Thanks for all your support!!!

June 17, 2009

So this round hasn't been as easy as the last one, but I'm still working and getting out of the house. Needless to say this weekend I didn't feel good. I felt like I was coming down with something, and my throat hurt soooo bad. I couldn't even touch my neck or jaw it was so sore. I had a headache, WICKED BAD heartburn, my body ached, a rash on my head that won't go away, and generally felt like crap. (I'm journaling this as a record, not to complain)
To make my weekend even better, Sunday Chad let Murphy out and when he came in he STUNK SO BAD. The stupid dog got into a dead (and rotting) animal, rolled around in it and ate it. Yuck!!! We ended up giving him a bath (even though I didn't want to get up) and feeding him anything to get the smell out of his mouth. That did NOT make me feel better.
I'm surprised at how much longer the symptoms are lasting this time. Today is Wednesday and I feel like I'm not really improving yet. I've been pretty exhausted this week, but I've worked everyday. I'm making it a point to get out of the house to do fun things as much as possible to keep me entertained and motivated. Last night I went out to dinner with some girlfriends from high school, we had a blast talking and catching up.
Tomorrow Chad and I get massages!! I'm so excited. I've been having alot of back pain (I'm pretty sure it's from the expansion) so I've been looking forward to it. Special thanks to the Cancer Resource Center at Norton's for giving us massages while your in treatment, rock on!!! That's what I call a sick and twisted benefit of having cancer, but oh well, I guess if I'm gonna have cancer might as well make the best of it :-)

June 15, 2009

Sorry, I did it again. Time gets away from me. I just realized that I hadn't blogged since chemo. About that, it was quite eventful! I had a reaction to one of the chemo's I'm on. It was lunch time and Chad had just brought up some lunch, so I sat up to eat and BAM, it hit me. It was so scary, it hit soooo fast. Literally, in like 10 sec I was having a severe reaction. When I sat up I got nauseous all the sudden and told Chad I thought I was going to get sick, could he go get a nurse, before he could get out of the room I was short of breath, couldn't breath, coughing, wheezing, RED AS A CHERRY, burning from my neck up, back pain, and nauseous. Within seconds the doctor, pharmacist, and several nurses were in my room, dragging oxygen in tow. They turned my chemo off and within about 15 minutes things were getting back to normal. After MORE steroids and Benedryl they were able to restart the chemo at a much slower drip and I didn't have any other reactions. Needless to say we were there forever that day.
Chemo hit much faster this time around too. Friday while I was at work the nausea hit and I didn't have my handy dandy Zofran (nausea medicine) with me, bummer! All in all I still feel like I can't complain. I felt pretty crummy this weekend, but I was able to go to church and get out of the house for a while. I definitely think this time around was worse than last time.

June 10, 2009

I know, I know, I'm sorry! Man has it been a while. Between the retreat and being so busy (I've been working full time) I haven't had the time to sit down and blog. Which brings me to my first point today...There is now doubt that a diagnosis like cancer is a reality check. Everyone always talks about how their lives are to busy and how they need to slow down. Not so true in my case, let me explain. I don't see a screeching halt or deceleration in my future (other than during my chemo treatments for obvious reasons) because that's who I am. I don't like sitting around, I'm a busy body. Anyone who knows me knows that my schedule is always full, and I'm happy with that. What I have taken from my reality check is that I need to make time for more of the things I enjoy. I'm one of those people who has a hard time saying NO. Being busy and being busy doing things that fulfill you or enrich you are two TOTALLY different things. Life lesson: Taking more time for yourself does not mean you have to slow down.
When I started my blog, somewhere in the beginning I mentioned that I knew there was purpose, or life lesson that I would take from my journey. I don't believe that I have cancer by chance, I think it is all part of a bigger picture. I have experienced blessing after blessing. I read a quote on a billboard this week..."Worry is useless when God is in control". I think that is part of the reason that I don't have much fear, I trust God. I mean really, the moment that we think we're in control God has a way of reminding us he's boss. I feel so blessed and unworthy that so many people have touched my life, and that I, yes ME, have touched so many lives. I have made life long friends during my journey that I would have otherwise never met.
Okay, on a less serious note, I guess everyone wants to know how I am doing. Thankfully everything is still going really well. I had a BLAST at the retreat, I am already looking forward to the reunion lunch! I've been feeling great, however the past two or three days I've been kinda tired, and I've yet to get rid of the diarrhea. I think it's my curse, instead of the nausea and vomiting, but I'll take it. There's nothing worse than being sick to your stomach. I got expanded today, which went well. I probably have two more expansions left before I'm to the size I want. Life without hair is great, VERY low maintenance, although I don't really dig the wigs, they're too itchy. I've mostly worn scarfs or gone bald.
Tomorrow is my 2nd chemo treatment. Lets all say a prayer that it goes as well as the first one did.

BALD IS THE NEW BEAUTIFUL!

June 5, 2009

Today was the day! We shaved my head bright and early this morning. When I woke up there was hair all over my pillow and it was coming out in handfuls. It was time. Everything went well. It was a beautiful day, so we did it outside. Tricia buzzed my hair into a mohawk and I rocked that for a few minutes then Chad did the honors and shaved the rest off. It definitely wasn't a sad or somber morning, we had alot of fun with it.
After the 'hair appointment' Tricia and the boys (Evan and Ryan), Dad, Chad and I went to the fire house so the boys could run around and see the fire trucks. They had soooo much fun. Ryan was bouncing around with excitement. Then we went to lunch. I was sporting a scarf on my head most of the day. When Chad and I went home he helped me shave the rest of the stubble off with a razor. Thank God for that because the stubble was falling out just as bad as my hair was and it was making quite the mess.
Now it's off to the Breast Cancer Retreat Weekend. I'm really looking forward to that. I'm going bald, no scarf or wig. (I'm taking some scarfs with me for tomorrow). BALD IS THE NEW BEAUTIFUL!
I've had a great day!

June 4, 2009

YEA! YIPPIE! WOOO HOOO! I went to spin class tonight and it was awesome. I love the fellowship and hanging out with my spin friends. I felt strong and healthy tonight, like everything was 'normal'. Oh, how I miss the bike. It made me wish I could ride everyday. I'll take what I can get, I know that I won't always feel up to riding while I'm going through chemo, but man did it feel good.
So, I know everyone is dying to know........YES, my hair is falling out. I don't have bald patches, but I can't run my fingers through my hair without a bunch of hairs falling out. It doesn't matter how many times I run my fingers through, the hair just keeps coming out. I guess if I did it enough I wouldn't have to shave my head, but that's just what I plan to do. Yep, tomorrow morning, buzzzzzzz, we're getting out the clippers. The way I see it I have two options. First option is to let my hair keep falling out. I already find it annoying and it's just going to keep getting worse. I'll be walking around looking mangy with bald spots, not too pretty! Or I could go ahead and shave it. At this point I thing it pretty obvious my hair is falling out. If I shave it, I don't have to go through the hassle. I'm in control. Let's just get this part over with. I feel like everything in this journey has been a waiting game. Wait for test results, wait for the surgery date, wait to feel better, wait for chemo to kick in, enough already, I waited for my hair to fall out and it has, do I really need to wait for it ALL to fall out?! With all that being said, I'm not too worried about it. I'm not worried about being bald, my hair and I don't have an emotional connection. To be honest with you, most of the time I hate it. It takes too long to dry and fix in the morning, and no matter how hard I try, it always looks like I'm having a bad hair day.
As usual, I will post pictures of the big event. My sister is going to do the honors (she buzzed my Moms hair when hers started to fall out, kind of a sick family tradition), but Chad and my Mom and Dad will be there too. See you on the other side.

June 3, 2009

I can't believe that it's June already. I found my lump in early February, have I really been on this journey for almost 4 months? With that being said, things are going really well. I have worked full time this week (it's kinda hard though, because its our slow time of the year) and I feel great. I still have my hair, however this morning more was falling out than before. Now when I run my fingers through my hair 4-5 hairs come out. I still anticipate that it will really start falling out in the next few days.
I am so excited...I was invited to a weekend retreat for Breast Cancer Survivors this weekend. We'll get to spend time meeting other women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer or are survivors and have forums on topics that affect us like, lymphedema, genetics, nutrition and emotions. Tomorrow I am going to spin class!!!! Oh, how I miss cycling outdoors and spin class. My last bike ride was before my biopsy back in March.
In case you were wondering, my plants are sill alive. I haven't managed to kill them yet.