October 26, 2009

Day 5 post-op. Things are going really well. I'm impressed how much more quickly I have recovered from this surgery. I'm still very tender and sore, but I was able to quit my pain meds Friday early afternoon. My legs are the most sore. I have to be careful not to plop myself into a chair, and I tend to be a bit stiff when I get up. Otherwise my bruising is healing and my scars are flattening out some. I am still having some nausea, but I'm pretty sure that has to due with hormones. I plan on going back to work Wednesday or Thursday, and I don't go back to my plastic surgeon til next Monday.
I had a follow up with my oncologist today. I am cleared for another 3 months, and I start my Tamoxifen tomorrow. She was unable to tell me how this medicine would affect my hormones, since every woman is different, but I am hoping for the best. I'll have to take this medicine for 5 years, which is why Chad and I have to wait to try to conceive.
It's a really weird feeling. I went from following my dreams to a screeching halt. Fighting cancer for 8 months and now I'm tossed back into my "life". In a way I kinda feel lost. I'm trying to find a balance. It would be a lie if I said I don't have to think about cancer anymore. It's always going to be a worry, is it going to come back? I'm reminded daily by the scars that mark my body. I can't just go back to my original plans and life course, if that were the case I should be having a baby about this time. Chad and I have to make a new path for ourselves, reprioritize. Ahh, where to go from here? It's such a scary transition. Alas, I know things will work out, I trust God, but where do I place my next step? I'm ready to move forward. I am cancer FREE!!! What an amazing journey. If you would have asked me in January if I thought I were strong enough to make it through a fight like this, or even imagine the possibility of facing something like this at my age I would have told you you were crazy. If I have learned anything, it is to never underestimate yourself, and NEVER underestimate the Lord. God is good, even amidst our fears and trials. I feel like I've won the battle. Not because I'm cancer free, but because I feel like I've taken more from cancer than cancer has taken from me. I have been blessed beyond measure throughout my journey this year.