March 30, 2009

Okay, this is going to sound cliche, but when people say 'Until you have cancer, you don't understand', they may be onto something. When mom was diagnosed and going through treatment, I was beside myself. I felt out of control, helpless, scared, the heartache was indescribable. I wanted to be at every appointment, and see her everyday. Now, I know I'm still at the begining of this whole process, but I feel more at peace. There isn't that fear that I felt with mom. I'm not blaming God, or anyone else that I got cancer. It is what it is, and I'm ready to take it on. It doesn't feel like the emotional burden that I felt with mom. Don't get me wrong (and no, I'm not on any meds yet!), I know how much this year is going to stink. I'm not looking forward to the pain associated with the surgeries I'll be having, or how sick I'll be with chemo, but I'm not afraid. Although physically I may feel panicked, mentally I give myself two thumbs up. I said it when mom was going through it and I'll say it again...I will gain something from this. I may not know til years down the road, but there is a lesson to be learned. And I can tell you this, Chad and I are BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE to have such supportive family and friends by our side!!!!!!! Mom used to tell me everything was going to be okay, to keep living my life, and that we'll make it through it, so I'm gonna do that. Speedbumps may slow us down, but they can't stop us!