August 17, 2009

So, I made it through the weekend. Only one more round to go. I scheduled today off work since my last treatment was so rough, and I'm glad I did. Although I feel better than I did yesterday, I woke up nauseous. When I opened my eyes this morning I was impressed at how well I felt, then I rolled over to go to the bathroom room and wham! So, I'm taking it easy again today. If there is one thing I hate, it's sitting around...it's killing me. I want to get out of the house and do things, be productive. I'm not a T.V. or movie fan. Yesterday, my in-laws had some family over for dinner and to swim and I felt so bad all I could do was lay on the sofa. I haven't been in the pool all year. My little Murph Man needs to swim (our dog loves to swim in our in-laws pool)!
Chad is in training for the next two weeks so he'll be home in the evenings, which will be a nice change. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever. Poor guy, I feel like I'm taking my frustrations out on him. On one hand, I'm glad he's not an enabler. For the most part I have been strong in my journey and haven't felt sorry for myself. Chad is the same way, we don't give cancer the time of day. Not that we're ignoring it, but we feel that there are more important things, and cancer is not going to define us. We don't sit around and talk about it. Really, besides the times I'm too sick to do anything, we just live our lives like I don't have cancer. But then there are times I wish he were more sensitive to the situation. I know it could be self loathing, but every now and then I wannna know that he's scared to lose me and sit on the coach and hold me tight. Neither one of us are criers, but I wanna take the time to hold each other a second longer than we normally would, because in a way, we have overcome great odds (you know, in appreciation, reflection, grattitude for each other during this time). You can't just play around with cancer, granted, treatment has come a long way. I've found that I get more emotional when I don't feel good...can you tell? Either way, I think we're both ready to be done with this stage.
Tomorrow WHAS comes to interview my mother and I. My house is a disaster! Needless to say, I haven't really felt like cleaning the past few months, and what husband wants to clean (he's been so busy with work and football)? We were able to hang the picture from the "Boobie Bon Voyage" this weekend, thanks to my Dad. It looks great. Everytime I look at it, it reminds me of ALL the support we have. It's amazing to think about!
Even when I feel bad and sorry for myself, it only takes a few seconds of reflection to remind myself I am truly blessed!