Fairfield Glade, TN.

August 31, 2009

Today's weather was beautiful! It's making me excited about fall, which is right around the corner. Ahh, my favorite time of the year.
I enjoyed my vacation to Tennessee with my parents, but I'm glad to be home. Monday turned out to be a really nice day. We took a cruise on the lake (a wine and cheese cruise), then ate a picnic dinner while listening to a live bluegrass band. It was a beautiful night, the weather was perfect. I must admit, the drive home on Tuesday was tough, and for most of the drive I wasn't feeling very good. My back was killing me (what's new) and I was really fatigued. I think Tuesday night in my own bed must have been the best nights sleep in weeks. As far as I can remember the rest of the week at work was fairly uneventful, other than I was always tired. This weekend I really pushed myself to my limits, dumb no doubt, but worth it. Friday my best friend and I went to dinner at Morton's Steakhouse (yummy) for her birthday, then went to a drag show, it was such a blast. We stayed out til......drum roll please....2am. I'm pretty sure that sounds lame for someone my age, but I had been up since 6:30 am and although it may be hard to feel sorry for me since I'm out on the town, chemo has really beat me down. Saturday I was up early again to work, then out to lunch with a group of Chad and my best friends! After lunch we all went out to a winery and enjoyed the day tasting wine out in the vineyard and laughing (laughter really is the best medicine). We ended the day with the family celebrating my mothers birthday at dinner. It was so much fun watching my nephews climbing all over Chad and sitting in his lap playing games on his iPhone. (I just wanted to make a note that wanting children and choosing to wait holds entirely different emotions than wanting children and being unable to have them. I experienced this for the first time this week. It hurts deep, and I can only pray that the feelings get easier rather than stronger). Again, I was sooo ready for bed, and slept like a baby. Sunday was spent laying around and running a few errands. Which leads us to today. Things have a slightly different twist today. Chad is the one who's sick. He has a 101.5 degree temp and feels achy, congestion, general malaise, etc. I think he has the flu, I'm gonna test him tomorrow to make sure. Either way, I'm staying away from him. After getting the flu before my last treatment (and it being the worse one so far) I'm not taking any chances. He looked so miserable wrapped up in that chair. I think it made him realize how miserable I feel after my treatments, cause he looked at me so sincere and told me he loved me.
So, this week is my LAST treatment!!!!!! I must say...part of me is so excited and relieved. I'm ready to get this shit over with and move on. But I must admit, part of me is so worn out and sick of the way it makes me feel that even though it's my last one, I'm dreading it. It's had a cumulative effect (where each one intensifies) and this past treatment really had me down both physically and emotionally. I think I've shared that chemo has put me into menopause (not something a 27 year old is really happy to announce) and among the obvious symptoms, there's the mood swings. I don't really think I've had a problem with mood swings (Chad disagrees, but I think more than anything, he's just tired of me complaining about how I don't feel good all the time), but here recently, the past few days, I've really been emotional. I tear up at the most unexplainable times. Lets hope that things can get back to "normal" when chemo is over, however I have my reservations about these hormone pills I'm going to be taking. This could turn out to be a six year long nightmare.
Hey, does anyone have any suggestions for a team name for the Susan G. Komen walk in October. I'm wanting to put together a team and was wanting something catchy. Unfortunately my brain has been less than useful recently.

August 23, 2009

Well I must say, this last chemo has NOT been very nice to me. I am still feeling the effects and its been a week and a half. I still get nausea periodically, and the fatigue and aches have been insane! I am still having the rapid heart rate and for the past few weeks I have developed peripheral neuropathy in my feet and they have been killing me with a burning pain. Needless to say I am still having the GI issues as well.
Lets see if I can remember where I left off in the last blog...
The WHAS interview went great, although I felt horrible that morning. They were there for about 2 hours interviewing my mother and I. It will probably air late next month or in October for breast cancer awareness month (they said they will notify us with the air date).
Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty rough days at work, I don't think I was ready to come back yet. Last Thursday I got to sleep in (which was much needed!) then went to the hospital for a massage. I worked for 6 hours then met a friend for coffee. By the time I made it home I was miserable and went to bed early (with my heating pad for my back pain). Friday morning I had to get my labs drawn, which were VERY low (which would explain my persistent fatigue, aches, shortness of breath and other fun side effects) and was forbidden to work up patients or to swim in the lake/pool in TN. Then I went to work for about 6 hours (working up patients...against doctors orders). After work I went to On The Border with the office for dinner and drinks, I should have said no since I was already feeling beyond worn out, but nooooo. I ended up dragging myself to my car and crying the whole way home from EXTREME fatigue (not a "boohoo I have cancer, poor me" kinda cry, but a "I don't know if I'm gonna make it home cause I'm in so much pain , WHY did I do so much today " kinda cry). I walked straight from the car to the bed and went to sleep at 7pm on my heating pad.
Saturday my parents and I left for Fairfield Glade Tennessee (a mini vacation) which is literally in the middle of NO WHERE. It was a 5 hour drive and by the time we got there I was already worn out for the day! Today we drove a hour to Rugby, TN. to see a 18th century town which has the countries oldest library (and that's pretty much all they have, ha, ha). On the way home we stopped at a winery and did a tasting (I love wine) so the day wasn't a complete loss...just kidding. Now I'm kicked back and recouperating from the day (I fit in just fine in the old folks community, LOL). The mountains and country is beautiful, and although I joke about having nothing to do, I am taking advantage of relaxing and spending some quality time with my parents.

August 17, 2009

So, I made it through the weekend. Only one more round to go. I scheduled today off work since my last treatment was so rough, and I'm glad I did. Although I feel better than I did yesterday, I woke up nauseous. When I opened my eyes this morning I was impressed at how well I felt, then I rolled over to go to the bathroom room and wham! So, I'm taking it easy again today. If there is one thing I hate, it's sitting around...it's killing me. I want to get out of the house and do things, be productive. I'm not a T.V. or movie fan. Yesterday, my in-laws had some family over for dinner and to swim and I felt so bad all I could do was lay on the sofa. I haven't been in the pool all year. My little Murph Man needs to swim (our dog loves to swim in our in-laws pool)!
Chad is in training for the next two weeks so he'll be home in the evenings, which will be a nice change. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever. Poor guy, I feel like I'm taking my frustrations out on him. On one hand, I'm glad he's not an enabler. For the most part I have been strong in my journey and haven't felt sorry for myself. Chad is the same way, we don't give cancer the time of day. Not that we're ignoring it, but we feel that there are more important things, and cancer is not going to define us. We don't sit around and talk about it. Really, besides the times I'm too sick to do anything, we just live our lives like I don't have cancer. But then there are times I wish he were more sensitive to the situation. I know it could be self loathing, but every now and then I wannna know that he's scared to lose me and sit on the coach and hold me tight. Neither one of us are criers, but I wanna take the time to hold each other a second longer than we normally would, because in a way, we have overcome great odds (you know, in appreciation, reflection, grattitude for each other during this time). You can't just play around with cancer, granted, treatment has come a long way. I've found that I get more emotional when I don't feel good...can you tell? Either way, I think we're both ready to be done with this stage.
Tomorrow WHAS comes to interview my mother and I. My house is a disaster! Needless to say, I haven't really felt like cleaning the past few months, and what husband wants to clean (he's been so busy with work and football)? We were able to hang the picture from the "Boobie Bon Voyage" this weekend, thanks to my Dad. It looks great. Everytime I look at it, it reminds me of ALL the support we have. It's amazing to think about!
Even when I feel bad and sorry for myself, it only takes a few seconds of reflection to remind myself I am truly blessed!

August 15, 2009

Well, another week in the books. I hate wishing time away, but I'm ready for a new chapter in my life. This past Monday I worked 10 hours, yup, you heard me! So much for slowing down this week and trying to rest my worn out body. You would think that since I worked so hard that I would sleep like a rock, but this week had some other surprises up its sleeve. Monday night I tossed all night. My neck was stiff and I was achy. I even got up in the middle of the night to switch out my pillow because I thought I was sleeping wrong. When I got to work Tuesday I felt more run down than normal and was still very achy (more so than my normal pain and aches I've been having with chemo). I would have never thought to swab myself for the flu, except that one of the girls I work with tested positive the day before. So, I swabbed myself and sure enough...I HAVE THE FLU.....IN AUGUST!!! What's up with that. It's one thing to have the flu, but it's summer, it's unnatural to have the flu this time of year, and may I say very inconvenient to have the flu while your trying to survive chemo. Work sent me home and I laided around all day Tuesday and Wednesday (much needed rest!). I must say that if your gonna get the flu, this may be the year to get it. It was quite mild as far as the flu goes, however it isn't fun when your already run down from chemo and didn't feel good in the first place.
Thursday was chemo day. Let me tell you, it took alot of sweet talking to get my treatment this week since I have the flu, but my counts were acceptable so they let me proceed with much caution. Who would of thought I would be begging to get my chemo!!! There were a few reasons behind my madness. One of which is that my mother and I were contacted my WHAS and Rachel Platt to do a story about our family and cancer. They wanted to video me getting chemo this week as part of the piece (they are going to finish shooting at my house on Tuesday). Plus next weekend my parents are taking me to Tennessee for a short vacation at a lake, and I knew if I got chemo next week it would have ruined those plans. I'm ready for a break :-)
My chemo symptoms are different yet again this time around. Last week I saw my gastroenterologist for a follow up and told him about my awful sore throat that I get after my treatments. He gave me a script for Carafate solution and so far it has helped. Only problems is, now I have overwhelming nausea this time. I've already had to break out the Zofran. Other than the nausea, taste, headache and fatigue this time is going pretty well, but I hate to speak too soon. ONLY ONE MORE TO GO!!!
The only other thing worth noting about my treatment is that I've had a rapid heartrate for the past 3 weeks. Every time I check it, it ranges from 100-130 beats a minute. It is starting to wear me out and from time to time I get a little short of breath. So far we haven't been able to put our finger on why it's so fast, but we have been able to rule out some of the more serious causes, so that makes me happy.

August 9, 2009

I wish I could say that I haven't written this past week because I was having too much fun, but that is not the case. This past week I have worked 40 hours, most of which was on my feet. I am beyond tired! I would come home from work in so much pain that I wanted to cry, and go straight to bed. My fatigue is so bad that my entire body aches by the afternoon. At least I am sleeping good, however it seems that's all I want to do! My weekend has flown by, but Chad and I did go out on Saturday with some friends to dinner and a comedy show at the Improv. I'm trying to gear myself up for this coming week, but I'm seriously lacking motivation. I have to be at work at 7 am tomorrow (I am NOT a morning person), and I'm expecting long hours on my feet again. Plus, Thursday is chemo and expansion day, which means a long and miserable weekend. I can't wait til I'm done!
On a happier note, I was approached by a patient at work who asked if his son, who's doing a three day bike ride in Texas, could name his team after me (Team Alicia). Of course I said yes, but it is humbling. Needless to say, cycling is a passion of mine :-) God has a way of providing! It feels like every time I am starting to feel alone in my journey, or I'm down in the dumps, I am reminded of the tremendous support I have. I am so blessed to have so many family and friends encouraging me.
So, here's to a crappy week. I'd hate to lose my smile now, only two more treatments to go. Lets hope that mind over matter wins! I think I can, I think I can...

August 1, 2009

This weekend has been a good one. Friday my mother took my sister and I to a spa in Bardstown, KY. for some pampering and lunch. It was such a nice day, I love my family! Afterwards My friend and I went back to the wig shop to find another wig. I got a wavy blond one this time (I must admit, it's kinda fun, and addicting).
As you all know, I am a triathlete and love to cycle. This morning I went to the Tom Sawyer Triathlon to support my friends competing (I couldn't race this year due to everything going on) and there was a biker killer by a hit and run drink driver while on the course. They canceled the race mid way through. What a tragic morning! My heart goes out to the family who unexpectedly lost their loved one. I can't help but feel like this one hit close to home. I cycle that route often (and have done that triathlon multiple times) and I realize that none of us know the direction of our lives, and how they will end. PLEASE WATCH FOR CYCLIST ON THE ROAD!!!
I have been feeling pretty good. I've been a little more tired lately, but I've been running non-stop this week. I still have the odd taste and an upset stomach, but I definitely feel like I've made a HUGE improvement since last weekend.
I am posting a photo taken from the photo shoot my mother and I did (it's just a personal photo, not one of the magazine's shots). The hair in the photo is probably my favorite wig.